‘Punch Wars’: 1983 vs. 1984 in Song-to-Song Combat

“It’s like Star Wars vs. Star Trek.” That’s how one Ross on Radio reader described a recent column on whether 1983 or 1984 was the best year for Top 40 music and radio. Ultimately, readers chose 1984, but not as unanimously as you might think, given its reputation as the peak year of Top 40’s mid-’80s rebound.

Over the years, I have occasionally pitted radio stations against each other to see who had the stronger song, an exercise that radio programmers used to use to judge their station against a rival. I haven’t staged a “Punch Wars” since 2020, in part because there are fewer head-to-head station wars, but I wondered who would win a song-to-song battle between the years.

I was going to use streaming playlists as my 1983 and 1984 radio stations. But something surprising happened. When I randomized both Spotify and Apple Music, I got a lot of international hits and some oddly obscure battles. Ross on Radio readers might have had a more considered opinion than others on Spotify’s match-up of Culture Club’s “Victims” vs. Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Welcome to the Pleasuredome.” I wasn’t sure what they’d make of Apple facing off Alphaville’s “Sounds Like a Melody” and the German act Spider Murphy Gang’s goofy “Ich Shau Dich An (Peep Peep).”

That’s why I asked Josh Hosler, a former programmer whose Pop Music Anthology is a treasure trove of themed and year-based offerings, to create Spotify playlists for each year. With his help, I hit shuffle and faced off “Ross On Radio: 1983 was Better!” vs. “Ross On Radio: 1984 was Better!” Then I sent radio and record friends 20 different rounds to judge. Those with a radio perspective were asked to judge two ways — choosing both the strongest song from a programming standpoint and the one they would listen to themselves.  

We started off with a tough one. (1983 songs are always listed first. Winners of the programming match-up are italicized)

Elton John, “I’m Still Standing” vs. Wham!, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”: “This was the hardest one,” says Saga Des Moines’ Leigh McNabb. Both have been resurgent at radio in recent years. Both have cultural currency. “Elton’s still standing. Need we say more?” asks Audacy’s Tm Roberts. “George Michaels is in the zeitgeist right now,” says RCA’s Keith Naftaly. “In my music world, both are burnt,” says 4BC Brisbane, Australia’s Brent James. Ultimately, though, Wham wins both the programming and “would listen” punches.

Motels, “Suddenly Last Summer” vs. Corey Hart, “Sunglasses at Night”: “Corey is a signature song of the ’80s,” says Hall Communications’ Bob Walker. But there were a surprising number of people who agreed with WHBC-FM Canton, Ohio’s Joel Murphy that “I’d listen to the Motels, but only because I’m burnt on Corey.” “Somebody explain why this Corey Hart has stood the test of time,” says Connoisseur’s Keith Dakin. Corey wins on programming; Motels edges him for “would listen.”

Donna Summer, “She Works Hard for the Money” vs. John Lennon, “Nobody Told Me”: Lennon popped up on the radio a few times during the “strange days indeed” of 2020, but Summer has the enduring title. “Donna is a slam dunk in both categories,” says Billboard’s Silvio Pietroluongo. “It’s not even close,” says Alan Burns. But there’s a lot of reader love for Lennon, such that Chris Molanphy of Slate and the Hit Parade podcast calls this one “the most brutal matchup … I could go either way.” Summer handily wins for programming; Lennon edges it out as the “would listen.”

Def Leppard, “Rock of Ages” vs. John Mellencamp, “Authority Song”:  As a researcher/programmer, I share Dakin’s sense that “these two are equal in the Classic Hits/Classic Rock world.” But iHeart Orlando’s Jeremy Rice says Mellencamp “is the better PPM song.” Ultimately, Mellencamp won a close battle for “would program” and a lopsided one for “would listen.”

Sheena Easton, “Telefone (Long Distance Love Affair)” vs. KC [& the Sunshine Band], “Give It Up”: In America, they are two songs that are both long gone from the radio. A lot of readers wouldn’t program or listen to either. “We’ll just consider this a drop position,” says Country Aircheck’s Chris Huff. But Murphy says, “The KC is a secret-weapon record waiting to happen.” (I’ve also seen pockets of strength for it in a few markets.) And in Australia where, like the UK, it as a bigger hit, James actually writes, “KC is overplayed, but the better radio song.” It wins both “would program” and “would listen.”

Stray Cats, “Stray Cat Strut” vs. Cars, “You Might Think”: Some readers thought this was a weak match-up as well. I’ve seen widely varying opinions on whether “You Might Think” is a hit. It endures as “the song that made the Cars an MTV band,” as Walker puts it. But Cars wins both battles handily.

John Mellencamp, “Crumbling Down” vs. Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson, “Say Say Say”: “Say Say Say” never came back over the years, even when Jackson’s music rebounded after his death, and despite McCartney’s touring/pop culture currency as well. Mellencamp seems to hang in a little more because of Classic Rock airplay, but with a lot of other songs in the catalog ahead of it. Based on the research I’ve seen over the years, Mellencamp is the safer choice, but readers give both programming and preference to McCartney & Jackson.

Peter Gabriel, “Shock the Monkey” vs. Dennis DeYoung, “Desert Moon”: “Shock the Monkey” was a game-changer,” says Naftaly, whereas “maybe 2% of people who listened to radio in the ’80s remember ‘Desert Moon,’” according to Pietroluongo. “It doesn’t hold up as well as I thought it would,” says Huff. Gabriel handily wins both matches.

Tom Petty & Heartbreakers, “You Got Lucky” vs. Ray Parker, Jr., “Ghostbusters”: Like “Thriller,” I’ve seen “Ghostbusters” do well in music testing, but unlike “Thriller,” most programmers are happy to not even ask, and to save it for Halloween. “‘Ghostbusters’ was always too silly for me,” says S-Curve’s Steve Greenberg. But Walker considers it “an iconic song.” While I think of Petty as another Classic Rock secondary, it also easily wins both match-ups.

Stephen Bishop, “It Might Be You” vs. Cars, “Magic”: Bishop’s Tootsie theme actually got a little bounce at radio a few years ago thanks to the resurgent Soft AC format. It also appeals to SiriusXM Yacht Rock Radio listeners among our readers. But readers would program “Magic” unanimously, and it also gets all but a few of the votes for “would listen.”

Joe Jackson, “Steppin’ Out” vs. Kenny Loggins, “Footloose”: Like latter-day Dave Matthews Band songs, Jackson does so poorly in research that it’s hard to remember what a big hit it was. Perhaps that’s why it’s so fresh for PDs, especially against a megahit. For KJLH Los Angeles’ Chris Malone, “Both are great sonically, but ‘Footloose’ has more commercial appeal.” “Very few songs would beat ‘Footloose,’” says McNabb, but “Joe still sounds great all these years later,” says Huff. And thus, we have our sharpest split decision. “Footloose” handily wins programming; Jackson gets all but one vote for “would listen.”

Bryan Adams, “Straight from the Heart” vs. John Mellencamp, “Pink Houses”: “This is a bit deep for Bryan Adams,” says Dakin. “There’s only room for ‘Everything I Do (I Do It for You)’ and ‘Heaven.’ ‘Straight’ always gets left behind,” says Huff. But he would play Mellencamp nevertheless. Mellencamp is the programming winner handily, and “would listen” winner by a 3:2 margin. Personally, I would want to listen to the Ian Lloyd version that played on Canadian radio before Adams was a star. 

Styx, “Don’t Let It End” vs. Pointer Sisters, “I’m So Excited”: 1984 wins both contests on the strength of the Pointers’ 1982 song that lingered into 1983 without becoming a hit the first time. In recent years, I’ve also noticed that “I’m Still Standing” has a similar feel to “Excited,” which preceded it by about eight months — a very typical incubation time for radio influence. Walker calls “Excited” “a classic CHR power at the time.”

Big Country, “In a Big Country” vs. Billy Joel, “An Innocent Man”: “Uptown Girl” became the easiest-to-program song from Joel’s An Innocent Man (even before Olivia Rodrigo’s shout-out). “An Innocent Man” hung in a little at AC. Big Country became a defining song for the Adult Hits format for a while. It’s the sort of radio record PDs like, and I would have expected it to win “listen to,” but it was the other way around. Big Country won the programming match, while Joel was the “listen to” song.

Kenny Loggins, “Heart to Heart” vs. Pointer Sisters, “Automatic”: Loggins was an early-’80s holdover as music changed in early 1983. “Automatic” was one of the songs that defined the abundant excitement of CHR a year later. Neither song has a strong radio presence now. But after decades of being thoroughly lost, you hear Loggins on Yacht Rock Radio and similar AC weekends occasionally. (“It’s a yacht-rock masterpiece,” says Murphy.) Pointers win both battles easily though.

Eurythmics, “Love Is a Stranger” vs. Sheila E, “The Glamorous Life”: The Eurythmics title is “just a better song,” says James, but it’s completely lost on American radio. “Glamorous Life” wins the programming nod unanimously, and “would listen” by a large margin. 

Pat Benatar, “Love is a Battlefield” vs. Rockwell, “Somebody’s Watching Me”: This one is tied with Wham vs. Elton for being “too close to call; both are killers,” as Roberts puts it. Over the last decade, I’ve seen “Somebody Watching Me” test as, basically, just another Jackson hit (unlike “Say Say Say”). But some PDs still prefer it for Halloween only. Benatar wins both contests; “would listen” is a little closer.

Toto, “I Won’t Hold You Back” vs. Van Halen, “Jump”: Another early-’80s holdover goes up against what Walker calls “a signature ’80s song.” Dakin notes the strength of “Jump” on “AC, Classic Rock, Classic Hits, [Adult Hits], etc.” “‘Jump’ is pretty tired, but still excites,” says Naftaly. It’s the unanimous programming winner. Unlike “Footloose,” only a few PDs are burned out enough on “Jump” to not vote for it as the “would listen” song.

Bonnie Tyler, “Total Eclipse of the Heart” vs. Quiet Riot, “Metal Health (Bang Your Head)”: Tyler is the clear winner in both categories. “Jim Steinman’s magnum opus, an incredible record,” says Greenberg, although there wasn’t the same sort of excitement expressed about this ballad by the group as there was about other winners. “Cum On Feel the Noize” has become a song you’ll hear again on Classic Rock and Classic Hits these days, but this one “works on Classic Rock for double shots,” says Dakin.

Police, “Synchronicity II” vs. Billy Idol, “Flesh for Fantasy”: With four hits in power rotation, Idol is one of the most enduring artists at Classic Rock/Classic Hits/Adult Hits. “Flesh” is “too deep for Billy Idol, but underrated,” says Dakin. But he considers “Synchronicity” “the best Police song ever,” as did other respondents. Police is the programming winner; Idol is the “would listen” song. But Greenberg says, “I would switch to NPR.”

The tally? 1984 was the winner of 13 of 20 rounds of the “strongest radio programming song” meet. For songs that radio and music people would listen to, it does even better with 14 out of 20—not dissimilar to what we saw in the first article. (If you’re wondering, I gave programming to 1984 and personal preference by a slight margin to 1983.)

I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to “Punch Wars” (in part because I didn’t have a clear favorite among either of the last two songs either). I did one more round for myself. This one was perfect: Frida’s “I Know There’s Something Going On” and Van Halen’s “Panama.” The previous was a treasured record among radio people (and Abba fans). The latter was the enduring hit. Both were songs that typified the excitement of their respective years.